where I'm at

Have you ever just wanted to be someones person??
Does that even make sense (it will)
also where is the apostrophe supposed to go in someones??
I don't care (what else is new)
I'm not sure if that is a good introduction
or if that even qualifies as an introduction
I don't even know what I'm writing anymore so I just ramble and press
enter
whenever I feel like the moment is right
Ok that was annoying we are going back to this, my ramble-y posts because that's all I am good for anymore okay yes this is much better, also this has nothing to do with what I want to say to you people but (also who even reads this anymore?? anyone?? hello out there) I am just wondering now that this class is over, I've reread all my blog posts for sentimental reasons (also I am lame, remember?) and I don't know what any of this is, like when people ask "oh what do you write?" (no one asks me that) what am I supposed to say? Is this prose? Is this poetry?? Or are these just journal entries? Can I write a book that is just full of journal entries? Can I consider all the thoughts in my brain poetry?? WHO MAKES THE RULES HERE?!??! (Me, God, Ronda? Obama? Nelson, the kids who sit by the knight at lunch??)

Okay, back to being someone's (I googled it) person. Right now/always I feel like I am friends with someone and things are good and  okay let me start over, Have you ever felt like you like your friends more than they like you? (same) Or you think you and your friend are really good friends and maybe even *~best~friends~* and then you find out that they have other friends who might possibly have a closer bond with your said best friend than you do and your brain is just like "oh okay that's cool I don't mind I'm fine" and then you work 4 Fridays in a row and you don't even notice because you didn't have plans anyways??! I don't know what I am saying. I have had best friends, but they were temporary best friends kind of, I still had to tip toe around them and control myself and I couldn't be real with them. But this is also a two way street because I do have friends who are real with me and sometimes real people can be real annoying. (I'm horrible, I know, we all know, lets get past this please) Basically I just want a best friend that works, and I know that is at least half (probably more) my fault that these things just don't work out but I want to change. (now the part about being someone's person) I just want to have a mutual feeling "yeah I like this person, they are fun I want to be around them more often" (I don't know if there is an actual word for that?) I want to have someone to call up and we can sit in the car and talk or we can go running through the streets, we can sometimes go crazy but we can also just sit around and be lazy and we can laugh in front of each other and cry also without feeling embarrassed (is that possible) I want someone to motivate me to be a better person but not be all judgmental when I am to lazy to change, and I want to be that for someone too. I want someone to be bored and call me to do something or just check in to see how I am doing or give me free stuff just because they like me. I want a person, and I want to be someone's person
This is why best friends are hard.
But maybe until this miracle of a friendship happens I'll just sit here and write about all the boys and mental crisis's I am dealing with, does that make you my best friend oh near and dear blog?
..
I think I have reached the bottom, I am now the lamest person alive, Justin Bieber exists, and I am more lame than he is.

Well, if we are going to start this relationship off right I better (re)introduce myself
hi
(hello? hey? sup?? wassup??)
(sorry I haven't done this in a while)
I'm Hannah.

the thing I tried to do at the slam

Hate - An Anis Mojgani knock off

This is for the sexists
I hate you.
This is for the homophobes,
I hate you too.
This is for the players and the cheaters
the rapists and the beaters
This is for all the over achievers
and political leaders
I hate you
This is for arrogant people and whoever
decided it was cool to make fun of white girls
I hate you
This is for cancer

I hate you most

This is for you
I hate you
and you hate you
and I hate you because you hate you
and I hate high school
I hate watching you cave in and doubt yourself
and I hate everything that made you feel this way
I hate every girl and boy and magazine that
ever made you feel less than whole.
This is for a boy who was born blind
and taught himself to play any song on the piano
after hearing it just once

This is because there is a blind kid out there who knows how to play the piano
and you don't even know how to love yourself.

TMI

At the beginning of this year I wrote in my journal that I took this class to help me not feel so alone. To be honest I took this class because I wanted to know what people thought of my writing and if I was any good at it (yes I need validation from a bunch of strangers, yes it's lame) and now the semester is almost over and it's time I owned up to some things

#confessiontweet I went almost an entire year without getting a haircut because I was afraid my haircut lady was going to think I was a freak/hate me/force me to have actual conversations with her
#confessiontweet I cry in sports movies
#confessiontweet I cry in all movies
#confessiontweet I would have chosen Raoul
#confessiontweet I would have done it with the phantom on the side though..
#confessiontweet the boy in that picture may or may not be naked i'm not sure
#confessiontweet that boy in the picture is actually me trying to write this post because I have been real with you this whole time, I'm just running out of things to be real about, my brain is a freaking grape and now its a shriveled raisin that is hard and has had all the good parts sucked out of it
#confessiontweet I am not very good at metaphors
#confessiontweet I'm not done here
#confessiontweet I think there is a disorder where you eventually start to hate everyone? and I think I have it?? Which sucks because people are cool and great then you start to develop expectations for them and then they end up being not at cool and as great as you thought they were.
#confessiontweet March will always be the worst month
#confessiontweet you are a lame for making everyone wait until tomorrow to figure out who you are
#confessiontweet I am not Beyoncé
#confessiontweet I may or may not have slightly hit a car in a parking lot yesterday and kept driving
#confessiontweet sometimes I am too honest..

This is probably too much but I am going to get real real with you right now. I woke up in the middle of the night last week and thought of something that would be good to write a blog post about so I wrote it down then when I woke up I looked in my journal and I had written " If you want to live in peace choose Raoul, If you want to die in peace choose the Phantom" Call it divine inspiration, call it sleep deprivation, call it whatever you want but the choice is yours. The way I see it you can either die with regret or live with it

and this is probably too much information too but
its been real

hannah madsen