I applied to three colleges and got accepted to three colleges. I'm not bragging or anything, I just want any juniors or other people to know that its okay to get a B and it's not worth crying over.
You've always got options.
I've gone to movies by myself and I've bought candles and I wondered how it's possible I have gone so long without either of these things in my life. Also sleeping in the middle of the bed. I don't know who I've been saving the other half of my bed for, but it has dawned on me that they aren't coming any time soon and I have been wasting the most comfortable part of the bed on some delusion that my whole bed doesn't belong to me.Beauty isn't all thighs and lips and collarbones, though a lot of times it seems like it is. I don't know how to explain it other than it can't be. I've realized how sucky of a friend I've been to those who didn't deserve it and how amazing of a friend to those who also didn't deserve it. Sometimes you realize these things too late.Like the fact that they like to draw with charcoal or the fact that the boy who wanted you to go to his music concert thing probably liked you AND YOU FELL ASLEEP AND DIDN'T GO. And it might be possible that you are actually still single because you sleep too much. Also I am probably going to flunk one of my AP tests on purpose just so my teacher knows that they're a sucky teacher. I've pulled more homework all nighters than I ever did junior year and cried in class more often too. I've ditched more and gone to less attendance school which really doesn't make sense to me but I've never really been one of those to question the system. I feel like you are supposed to cry a lot during your senior year because doors are closing and people have planes to catch and suitcases to pack and everyone is like "what about prom?" and then they are all like "what about money/college/jobs/making my parents proud/majors/Russia/and what happens after we die?" and then the king and queen are crowned and the caps come off and our lives begin. I generally feel indifferent about the whole thing. My brain has already checked out and is planning which shoes to take to college and what Top Ramen flavor tastes the best (chicken) and my heart isn't far behind which kind of terrifies me. I don't know why I feel so disconnected but I want it to stop.
My cousin came back from her mission and I am afraid to wear shorts in front of her and it freaks me out a little bit because is this what life is like after high school? You are just surrounded by RMs that you can't wear shorts in front of??
the main reason I didn't want to go to BYU is because a lot of you are going there and it's ironic because the main reason I want to go to BYU is because a lot of you are going there.
But hey,
maybe there will be nice boys at Utah State who have candy bars named after them and try to show me their music and tutor me in calculus when I'm not actually in any math class at all and maybe this time I wont be so scared.
Maybe.
Senior year is supposed to be sentimental and slow motion and fast forward and high volume all at once but all I'm getting is static.
