pressure/ice ice baby/they both sound the same

Lately I've been feeling like writing on this blog is a huge chore because I feel like I have to dazzle everyone and give them chills and all that jazz so I haven't been posting anything because I don't feel like it's gripping/heartbreaking/amazing enough BECAUSE I GUESS I WRITE FOR THE COMMENTS OKAY?!? Ugh. Everything about this whole blog and #hashtagsummerblogs has just become something hanging over my head which is sad because writing and connecting with people and getting all my emotions out there is something I have always loved and it doesn't seem to feel like that anymore. I'm tired of thinking of new concepts and killer metaphors and I'm tired of having more drafts than published posts. So sometimes I feel like its best to write like this in a stream of consciousness sort of way because it's present and direct and you al get what I'm trying to say and I don't have to be abstract or anything. But then I look at all my other published posts and THEY ARE ALL STREAM OF  CONSCIOUSNESS. I dunno maybe I just do better with #realtalk than #fancytalk and maybe I'm a one trick pony (is that the right saying?? I'm sorry, it's midnight) and maybe I won't be able to inspire anyone and maybe my writing is less of a rip your heart out of your chest type and more of a pat on the back "it's going to be alright" type and maybe that's okay.

Being called names is probably the worst :/

About 5 minutes ago I heard screaming and swearing and pounding on the door and I've never been more real than right now when I say I miss being in elementary school.
My parents are out of town and I'm in charge and I got home from work at 10 and found my two little sisters home alone and my brother no where in sight. I called and I txted and I screamed but he refused to tell me where he was or what he was doing anything so I told him if he wasn't home by 1:00 I was locking the doors and he was outside for the night and I've never been more for real than when I said that.
1:00 rolls around and he doesn't.
1:05 nothing
1:10 nope
1:25 finally
It's  1:30 and five minutes ago my brother pounded on the door and screamed for me to let him in and called me a bitch.
I guess I wasn't being for real when I said I'd make him sleep outside. But I was being for real about the elementary school part.