a rambling train of thought???

And now they are making me write instructions on how to take an amazing shower and how to live a happy life and how to fall in love and how survive high school and come to think of it I'm not really sure if anyone does. Not their hearts anyways. I have ditched class more times this term than I have in junior and sophomore year combined. I have also cried a lot less and I wonder if that is a coincidence. I am thankful we only have two days of school this week because I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. They say you can't think your way out of depression but who are they to tell me what I can and can't do? Who are they do think I have depression in the first place. Who am I to think I have depression. I don't hurt myself like my neighbor does. But she goes to concerts all the time and skateboards down mountains. Maybe she isn't depressed, maybe she is just crazy. Maybe she is just crazy and I am just depressed. Or maybe we are both crazy. Sometimes I pretend I have plans just so I can leave the house and take a drive up to the mountains. In church they made us write down goals we wanted to accomplish during the school year and I wrote down stop procrastinating and raise your hand in class more and the kid next to me said clean my room more. CLEAN MY ROOM MORE. I wonder what he thinks about sometimes. And I wonder if life is ever really that easy. where all you have to worry about is the cleanliness of your room. I am pretty sure I have notebooks and candy wrappers from 8th grade still stashed in my room. are you guys still reading this because I am pretty sure it is garbage but that is all part of the creative process apparently so write on bros. I will probably delete this and write something better, this is just in case I pass out in the shower again. My mom turned on the AC and its thirty degrees outside and I am asking for a space heater for Christmas in hopes she will get the hint. She wont. None of this stuff makes sense and I really wanted to write a post about love but I think I'm all loved out. This happens every winter and I can't figure out if its because this is the season I crave love the most and it just makes me cold and bitter. All I know is there is a boy out there who hates talking in class and hates his parents and hates the car he drives and I love him.