coming from a person who loves love

Every time I try to write about love I just keep writing myself out of love and its crappy and I am sick of it. I used to have ideals!! Then things happen and you see other people get hurt and your neighbors fall out of love and your parents start sleeping in separate rooms and you move out to college and I guess we all have grow up and wake up sometime. The thing that no one tells you about marriage is that the percent who stay together get by just barely. They don't tell you that some of the people who are married don't even actually love each other. Sure they tell you its going to be hard, but no one talks about sleeping on the couch or hour long drives so you don't have to let it out in front of the kids. Everyone talks about being real with each other but how can you be? They're gonna know about all the times you skipped the gym and all the times you cried when your dad called and all the times you almost swore and all the times you did swear and all the times you talked about how you hate people who swear. And who's gonna want to live with that? Too inconsistent too contradicting too much of a mess to even keep a cactus alive. too tired. And that's why love is great. Because when it works its total acceptance and that's all that anyone wants really, to be told that we aren't crazy and that our feelings are valid and that it's okay.. It isn't looking past someones flaws, its embracing their flaws and recognizing that their flaws are apart of them and make them who they are. I guess once you get past the "mush honeymoon magic mega awesome" love phase and you get into the "for real" (these are the technical terms) love phase it comes down to finding the person who you are gonna be annoyed with/want to kill the least. Which if you hate them the least it also means you love them the most so I guess that does make sense. Love, how magical.


 the best love poem I've ever read.

#college

Lets talk about how I was excited to live with a bunch of strangers so I could see them be real and raw and make me feel less crazy and like we're all just trying to figure it out well GUESS WHAT they are all perfect and eat salad all the time and I am behind on everything. My hair my clothes my physique my social skills my spirituality my relationship status my cleaning habits and my whole being a better person thing are all mediocre in comparison to them. But besides the huge burden of my roommates being perfect all the time they are amazing and I got lucky to randomly have them. I am trapped in a room on the top floor of a building with five strangers and I love it. Finding the upside of everything is what keeps me going. I haven't gone to class on a Friday yet and I've been going to school for three weeks. So yay for education. I'm undeclared and basically everyone else is too. Or they are going to be a teacher or a doctor. It seems like everyone's got everything figured out, or they have figured out that they haven't got anything figured out and I am just waking up from a nap wondering what day it is.
You know when you are a sophomore and you look at the seniors and you can't ever imagine that you will make it to that point and you wonder what you will be like when you are a senior and then you become a senior and you realize you are the exact same and you don't feel like a senior and you feel like you don't look like all the other seniors when they were seniors? Yeah well college is basically the same thing.
I brought up three plants with me to college and two have already died.
Nothing has changed since high school. I'm still to much and I still drown everyone in everything.