does anyone blog anymore?

I'm just here to touch base. To see if there is anything here. To see if I can still do this. To see why I do this. To see if there is anything left in this computer screen. To see if there is anything left in this heart that hasn't' been written about. I know the answer to that is no, there is a LOT left but I guess the real question is what is left in my heart that I am willing to write about? Willing to let you read and hear and know about me. Remember that time I wrote about going streaking? Better yet, remember that time I went streaking? I don't know if I would tell you that now. I'm not sure I would know how to do it. How do people even talk to each other or become friends or get married? How does that happen what are the steps where is the YouTube tutorial for it. I need a play-by-play.
I left for a year and a half and you didn't talk to me and I thought you hated me and I came back and you cried and I'm not even sure what our relationship was like before I left but I know you didn't hug me this much.
I wrote out a list of all the things I have left inside of me that I can't tell you. I lied I didn't even write it. I just thought them in my brain. I can't even tell myself them. There are things I have never said out-loud and that's crazy. Things that my voice and my ears and my eyes don't even know about me. Just my heart. My soft weird droopy heart. And I think that might be why I cry all the time. I can't fit anything else in there its so stretched and leaky and misshaped. Sometimes I'm scared to pick up a pencil because I don't know what will come out. I can't even use a pen anymore it's too permanent. How was anyone brave enough to etch something in stone? The 10 Commandments must be the real deal because there was no eraser for that. I'm sick of changing my mind and I'm sick of sensationalism and really all the ~isms~ honestly. I just want to be all in on something and hold nothing back. But I don't know what that something is.
I can't be me here not because I am scared of you or them or whoever reads this but because some days I can't be me around me. I don't even know me anymore and all anyone asks me about is what my favorite music is and I don't know how to answer it and its so dumb.
There are things we don't talk about on the first date and
there are things we don't talk about until you're married and
there are things we don't talk about.