my moon my man

to my lil brother:

THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU.

I have been with  you all fourteen years of your life but there is nobody else who makes me feel as clueless as you do. Nothing you have ever done makes sense to me. Even when we were little and I made you play dress up with me and Dad saw so he burnt up all my dresses. He bought you a pair of cowboy boots and all I remember was that you crying for days because I didn't have a pair to match.

And that's what doesn't make sense. 

I would ask you about it but I don't think you would know what the heck I am talking about. I want to know why. I want to know why you cried. I want to know if it was because you looked up to me and wanted to be like me. Because that would make sense to why you don't make sense to me because I don't make sense to myself so if you are trying to be me then you don't make sense either!!! (did that make sense??) Or was it because we are siblings and you cared that dad torched my dresses then got you a present. And you cried because it wasn't fair and that made you confused at thats why you cried. I hope you cried because you care. Because then there is hope for you. Also you are a great person just like I suspected. If you cared then there is a slight chance that you will be one of those kids who doesn't end up like their parents. I want you to know that mom calls you soft when you aren't listening.. and I laugh about it. Mostly because I have never considered a person who gives there sister wet willies to be "soft". But I guess I see it. You are kind of like a dog, because you are just nice to people (and you drool lol) and just want to have fun and that's all you really ever seem to care about but I guess that is a good thing to care about so it's okay.

I know you want to work for the FBI and that is great, but that also makes no sense to me because what would you even do in the FBI?? Bring people coffee and donuts and the occasionally machine gun?? I know you played with tanks and army men almost everyday growing up, and even now you play call of duty and halo or whatever but remember what I said earlier? Mom thinks you are soft. I know you are supposed to tell kids to follow their dreams and all that other stuff but I also know that life is not like the James Bond video game and real people die all the real friggin time. And a couple days ago we I went to a funeral for one of Mom's friends and you weren't there and I cried about it. Nobody in their right mind, tourist or not would read this far into a letter addressed to some mystery person's little brother so this can be our little secret. I cried at the funeral of a man who I have never met and I felt ashamed because everything seems to steal my tears lately. But I want you to know something, I have met you, and if the next funeral I have to go to without you happens to be your's I don't know what I'll do. I don't even know if I'll go. Statistics say women live up to eight years longer than men and I already have five on you and but I swear if I live longer than you UGH. I have been sitting at this computer screen for 20 mins and I can't even put into words how mad I will be at you. JUST LET ME DIE FIRST OKAY!?!?!

I want you to know you are a good kid. And I am sorry none of this does you justice

(also you owe me like 10 bucks)

luv

~sasha fierce~