things that keep me up at night

Last week I found out the Junior (sophomore at the time) I was in love with last year is friends with the Junior I am in love with this year. It's funny how a trip to the gas station can give you an open mind on things like polygamy.... I just love a lot of boys and I am a huge mess and I don't know how anyone can pick just one. But I also don't know how anyone can pick one if that makes sense..
What if they are all cool and nice but then once your married they make you scrub the floors all day while they watch TV and wait for you to make them dinner and what if they treat you like your their slave and all people have flaws and I understand and you need to chill but what if you've been married for 20 years and you realize you spend all day at home cleaning and cooking and then your spouse comes home with Wendy's even though you cooked them chicken and you have to throw it away because "left overs don't taste the same" and then they want to spend time with you so you sit next to them while they eat their stupid Wendy's and wait until they fall asleep while watching the Hunting Channel and listening to you talk then you turn the TV off and help them to bed then you lay there next to them and wait until you are exhausted enough that even the sound of their snoring won't keep you awake and it's 3 A.M. and you are going to wake up at 5 A.M. because you have to wake them up to go to work and you are 40 and this is your life. And what are you going to do? You've been married for 20 years you can't just leave them. You have kids to take care of and you are the only successful marriage to come out of all your siblings and besides how would you even explain why you got a divorce, they don't hit you but they certainly don't love you. People get a divorce because they hate each other, or because someone was unfaithful or because they get hurt. People don't get a divorce because they changed their mind. Your 40 and you have kids and you feel indifferent about your marriage and you are making excuses for people who don't deserve them. And sometimes that's what love is for people, an endless amount of second chances, being accepting and sometimes spineless, but always trying to make them happy anyways. Sometimes love is Ugly.



//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////sasha fierce/////////